Good active listening skills are not inherited. They come with practice and experience. Giving other people attention and respect requires putting my own thoughts and agenda on hold. To hear and understand true feelings and perspective, I need to present an open and focused demeanor and reach out with empathy. Many people are starving for someone like this that they can share their heart with - even within marriage.
The value of active listening...
For the one who has this kind of partner, the benefits are immeasurable. There is increased self esteem to be heard, accepted, and understood. You feel appreciated and have worth. You are more confident to share on a deeper level. There is a greater satisfaction with the outcome. Problems are solved and tension reduced. In a marriage, the relationship with your spouse can become happier and more intimate. There is deeper confidence and trust.
Active listening techniques are good for many settings. In the business world, improved communication will impact the bottom line or provide for advancement. Social life will be greatly improved as you reach out to friends and neighbors. Life will be much more exciting as you think about how you can be available to others.
10 Ways to practice active listening skills...
1. Turn toward the speaker: Discontinue other activities that you might have underway. Physically turn directly toward the other person. Show them that they have your full attention. Lean forward with good posture. Try to be close without invading personal space.
2. Make your environment quiet: Politely delay the conversation in few moments until noise or other distractions can be reduced. Ask the other person to make themselves comfortable while you are doing this. Radio, TV, and music should be turned off, not just muted. Others in the room should be alerted to your need for quiet. Moving your time together to another area may be required.
3. Maintain a welcoming expression: A smile goes along way in showing that you want to be with the person across from you. Let the tune of your voice indicate that you are receiving what is said. Refrain from furrowing your brow in a way that shows disapproval. Nod in agreement when you concur with the speakers point of view.
4. Listen with your whole mind: Give your spouse or friend your full attention. It is common to be talking to someone and still be preoccupied with an unrelated issue. You could nodding agreement, but thinking about what to make for dinner. Also, don't bring a preconceived plan for fixing another person to the table and then impatiently wait for an opportunity to spring it on them.
5. Don't draws conclusions too early: It is tempting to come to judgement on in issue as quickly as possible. It may be something that causes both of you pain or it could just be a minor irritation that want don't want to be bothered with. Impatience shows. By not forcing the conversation too fast, you are showing respect and waiting will yield a better result.
6. Don't immediately offer solutions: There is an innate desire to find quick solutions for your spouse or associate and strongly encourage them to agree to your suggestions. It is better to ask questions and try to get the other person to discover their own solution. This way be more satisfying and will most likely make for an effective change.
7. Ask for clarification: It may not be clear what your spouse is saying. Ask them whether you could repeat back what your understanding is. This will alert the speaker whether or not you have a clear picture. Compliment them on what they have said so far and assure them that the problem is with you. Refrain from aggravation as it may shut down effective communication.
8. Allow for silence: Sometimes people get frantic when no one is talking. Sometimes, however, thinking is more important than talking. Problems are often complex. There may not be an easy solution and the issues may not be resolved today. It may be necessary to back off of even reschedule for a later time. At any rate, let silence do its work.
9. Refrain from giving a deluge of answers: Some spouses feel compelled to get to answers quick and to deliver the message in rapid fire fashion. This is a form of disrespect and the full intent of your words probably won't be understood or appreciated. Instead, ask permission to give your opinion and unwrap it slowly so that it can be digested.
10. How is the other person feeling at the end?: Let your partner reflect on what has been talked about. It may be appropriate to get feedback right away or maybe on a another day. There could be comments about the process or with decisions that were made. Active listening should include staying connected and committed through time.
Active listening games.....
Practice is something that will definitely make you a better communicator and a more effective listener. Improving listening skills can be done through various activities and listening games. You will also be able to see areas that you have weakness in and then work to improve. Here are several examples.
1. Following instructions Have one person recite a list of instructions to a listening audience. They will not be allowed write anything down. The hearers will then independently attempt to follow those instructions. This listening skills test can measure how closely you are following the speaker. It can be a fun game as well as a valuable tool.
2. Capturing the main points The leader readers some text filled with ideas and detail. The audience listens and attempts to take in the main points. After the speaker has read for 1 minute, have the participants write out the points that were made. Compare with each other to see who is adept in this skill.
3. Distraction listening game Have two people be in a conversation about a selected topic. One will be a speaker and one a listener. A third person will act as a distraction. Repeat this setup around the room for as many groupings of 3 you have. Let the conversation go for 2 minutes. The one distracting will try to keep the listener from focusing. It is important to limit the amount of distraction. At the end of the time, have the listener write down what they got from the conversation.
