Anger management tips: A key to healthy relationships
The need for timely anger management tips
More than any other emotion, anger can have a serious impact on health long term as well as create tension on a daily basis. It immediately affects me physically and emotionally. A sudden outburst of anger will sap energy for the rest of the day and on into the night. There is also damage to relationships, particularily within marriages and kids growing up in this environment. The anger management tips listed below, when applied, provide advice for defusing these unwanted reactions.
Slow burning anger is often more sutle. Resentment, irritation, impatience, or feelings of insecurity or bitterness can wear a person down over time. Prolonged levels of this kind of anger can cause elevated blood pressure, threat of heart disease, and other anger disorders.
An angry person may see the results of anger, but has difficulty getting out of the vicious cycle. Remembering about anger management tips or techniques can help promote a positive response to tense situations.
What is anger?
The definition for anger from a prominent dictionary is as follows: A strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a real or supposed wrong.
Causes of anger: Negative attitudes or traits
Discouraged or unconfident Often issues come into our lives for which we don't have control. Family or job responsibilities can become overwhelming. There could be failures that are too much to bear. It may appear that there is no way out. Resentment, anger, and depression can easily be expressed. The temptation is to become defensive and block or drive others away with a hard exterior.
Pride Having an attitude of superiority is a common trigger for hurt feelings. When others don’t recognize this superiority, there is often tension. This leads to a fighting pride and anger problems. Showing contempt for anothers point of view or position is a way of showing dominance. Boasting draws attention so that others will notice their greatness. When this person is not recognized as they hope, this then becomes a cause of anger. Even the idea of not winning an argument will bring on antagonism. The management of anger becomes difficult with personal issues such as the ones below.
Selfcenteredness The selfcentered person insists on having their own way and often expects to be the center of attention. Things need to be done on their own schedule and for their own convenience. This person may attack those who oppose them or withdraw completely. They try to manipulate others to get their own way. Short term upset can result in a long term bitterness.
Bitterness There is always the chance of being hurt by another person, group of people, or by circumstances. The pain suffered can lead to resentment, hostility, and anger that can take root and grow through time. Lack of forgiveness makes it hard to overcome these roots of bitterness. Rage can explode out in unrelated areas as it festers under the surface. This can be very abusive for the target of the anger. This hurts the angry person as well and alienates them from others. Verbal attacks often come with sarcasm that is used to put others down. The offended person often tries to hide the fact that they have been hurt. How to control anger is a prime concern for this person.
Fear or insecurity Everyone faces danger or crisis. Situations that cause fear can be traumatic experiences. They can be draining and painful. Also, our inability to deal effectively with crisis may leave us feeling shameful or inadequate. Having to go through the pain felt during these times can activate anger toward the perceived cause. If another person is the cause, they may get a large portion of wrath and endure the insults poured out on them. Anger becomes a reaction to our hurt.
Selfcenteredness Most people have an agenda for how they want to live their lives. Within limits we have the freedom to do just that, especially in the United States. We have the freedom to decide where to live, how to live, how to spend our time and money, and how to spend our free time. When people or circumstances get in the way, the feeling is that anger is justified. There could be a sense of being disturbed or violated.
This may be tested, however, in the daily grind of life. The boss may require overtime or block a deserved promotion. Our children may be difficult to deal with and require additional attention. The neighbors may disagree on noise levels or on boundaries.
General Unhappiness Many people are just unhappy with their lives. They feel that they have been mistreated or have faced unpleasant and undeserved circumstances. Anger is just under the surface of the skin. They try to suppress their aggressiveness but the irritable person may be grouchy and have a quick sharp tongue. In their aggression, they may appear or threaten violence. Often they are bitter and become more and more isolated from social situations and people.
Denial A person who is chronically angry may not admit it. They often don't think that there is a major problem. Even if there is a problem, they feel that they can get back on track without any help. There is a belief that the problem is temporary. They don't acknowledge their anger and are offended by being asked about it. Deep down they have a fear of failure that they can't handle the issues in front of them. They lash out in their insecurity and then deny the problem.
How should these issues be dealt with? The initial tendency may be to run away from these people. On the other hand, a well adjusted friend or relative may try to resolve the anger problems with understanding and patience. However, if the issues still persist, the reaction back may be irritation, frustration, indignation, or even exasperated hotheaded wrath.
The damaging effect of anger in families
Family relationships are fragile. A quick sharp comment or a long standing argument can cause another person to be annoyed, irritated, or provoked. A wounded individual may withdraw completely from contact with the angry person due to the hurt, pain, and abuse received. Anger in marriage is prime example of this destructive rage. Alienation causes barriers to be setup between people. A spark of rage can cause separation that can go on for years. People often go to great lengths to remain separated and become more and more isolated. A violent temper can even influence others toward hate and revenge. There is great loss on both sides.
Anger often escalates when the conflict is not dealt with quickly. The impact physically, emotionally, mentally can be severe on both sides. The damage done through abusive relationships may be difficult to heal. This could in anger toward children or anger in children toward each other.
By modeling poor anger control techniques, angry couples may pass on inappropriate behavior to their children. When things go wrong, the response is to get mad or become enraged. An angry kid can very often be traced back to an angry mother or father.
Finally, the person who is filled with anger may actually be trying to hurt those around them. Instead angry people end up hurting themselves even more. In addition, an angry man or woman can create an atmosphere of fear and later bitterness in the home. This can even take to form of passive aggressive behavior that is hard to pinpoint, hard to address, and hard to cope with. this could come out as irratibility, insults, silent treatment, or a general mood disorder.
There are many anger poems that reflect the issues listed above. Here is one that captures the thought and emphasizes the importance of controlling anger:
Controlling Anger
When wronged by my neighbor, I simmer and reject Instead the right course is to forgive and to respect If others don't listen to what I have to say I should not glisten and then force them to pay As pressures are applied I often rebuke and place blame to show mercy and compassion is a healthier game Life all around can be quite a painbut that's no reason to treat others with distain
------- From the author
Challenges that you will face
There are times when kids don't do what they are told. If the parent is not in the right frame of mind, they sometimes explode, yelling at the kids in a loud voice. This may bring on the feeling of being drained and often times defeated and moody. There can also be a problem with anger in kids.
A child may have a tendency to excessively tease their sibling. They are told to stop, but somehow it gets ignored. This raise the hackles on the back of the parents neck. Through clinched teeth, the angry parent lashes out at the child in frustration. Anger problems rarely gets the results desired. The kids brace themselves against the emotion and don't get the point. The wrong behavior or attitudes seem to get repeated and progress is minimal. Anger can be bottled up and then explode later. Sometimes when an angry person gets quiet, this is a signal to beware.
Experiencing the anger of others is also painful. There is a tendency to stay clear of those who display anger frequently. The one who is angry can then become depressed. It is often hard to know the signs when anger is coming. Managing anger and defusing hard feelings is an important skill to develop for controlling anger.
The tendency is to set up barriers or reject the one causing the pain. Healing can be a lengthy process. Nurturing, loving, encouraging relationships can be lost.
Anger can lead to problems with in relationships that are intended to be intimate and close. Spouses, children, coworkers, neighbors and friends are in this catagory. Our fury will always hurt ourselves and will often hurt the people that we are to love.
Anger Management worksheets
Realizing that you have an anger problem and how it manifests itself is the first step to regaining emotional health. For alot of people it may come out as, "Who me. I am not angry!!!". There may be feelings of anxiety, worthlessness, hostility, revenge, bitterness, resentment, paranoia, or feeling victimized. Anger management worksheets are a tool that can act as "self tests" of where you are emotionally. They may be as simple as a set of relationship questions that get you thinking. Here is an example of one such a anger test:
Am I always calm and relaxed?
Do I ever get slightly upset with conditions or people around me?
Do you often respond negatively to those around you?
Is there thoughts of lashing out at those causing you issues?
Are you mad about your life? Does it show?
Do you want to get away from your problems? Are you irritable with those around you?
Are you on edge, getting ready to take some negative action?
Am I too angry to speak rationally at this time?
Are you now taking abusive action against others?
Will the offense matter going into the future?
What is the worst thing that could happen because of this?
Another important anger management assessment involves getting a grip on consequences. Here is an example of a worksheet for this:
How does your anger make you feel?
How much of your life is consumed by anger?
How does it impact your sleep?
How does it impact your digestion?
How does it impact your work performance?
How does it impact you and your family?
How does it impact your friendships?
This type of assessment is just the first step. Action steps involving anger management activities and techniques that will be necessary for dealing with the issues.
Anger Management activities
There are a number of simple anger control techniques that you can use to help with anger:
Count slowly to 10. Take a timeout.
Draw a picture of your anger.
Take a brief walk away from your current location.
Change your focus- Think about a place that always makes you happy.
Sing the words to your favorite song.
Journal about the instances where anger is a problem.
After becoming calm, express your anger and frustration. Let it be known in an assertive way what your needs are.
Think before speaking. You might regret hurtful words.
Identify solutions. What was the other person thinking? What could I do next time?
Don't hold a grudge. Don't look for ways to get back at another person? It is more beneficial and healthy to love them - even if they are enemies.
Anger Management techniques
Developing the skills to successfully deal with anger takes practice and experience. When anger occurs, relationships suffer. Isolation and separation often put a wedge between people who are normally in close relationship. Recovery from anger requires humility and a conscious effort. Restoring trust and respect may take time and a sincere approach. Here are a number of anger management tips and techniques that are helpful in dealing with anger:
Take a humble stance.
Calm down and clearly organize your thoughts.
Consider what the other person is going through.
Put yourself in the other persons shoes.
Approach offended party and state clearly how you feel that your anger was wrong.
Ask the offended person how they perceived the issues.
Listening to what is being communicated.
Speak in an accommodating way.
Speak assertively. But don't put on an angry face.
Clearly ask for forgiveness and wait for response.
Ask the other person how we could work things out better in the future.
Patience. Be willing to take the time necessary to work through the problems.
Be consistent.
Don't accept angry behavior in yourself. Don't say, "That's just the way I am." Look at it as a personality disorder that needs to be addressed.
Don't Judge, but look for solutions or answers.
Include a third party mediator who has a soft and gentle approach.
Undertake conflict resolution exercises during peaceful times. This will help prepare you when the heat is on.
Overall, other areas of my health are impacted. My sleep is disrupted by the emotions, guilt, and apprehension that an angry response brings. My diet slips through wanting some external comfort that "junk" food might bring. And I don't exercise properly because the anger has taken so much out of me. It is easy to get sick with all these negatives factors.
Exercising the anger management tips and techniques listed above can preserve health and wellbeing. Dealing with anger should be a priority. We all want to stop anger or at least have it under control. Anger management counseling is also a good option. Sometimes it takes guided words or actions to show that anger is a path that leads to distruction. The following anger quotes shows the dangers of this needless alternative.
Quotes about anger
Anger is one letter short of danger. ~Author Unknown
Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness; and concealed often hardens into revenge. ~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ~Malachy McCourt
Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools. ~Albert Einstein
Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry. ~Lyman Abbott
Spite is never lonely; envy always tags along. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them. ~Lemony Snicket
The cause of anger usually starts with me and hurts me more than those around me. Husbands and wifes, children, teenagers, and other extended family members that will also suffer from this contagious condition. The question, "How to deal with anger?" should be on my mind as I experience the temptation of lashing out. Just knowing the negative impact of anger, makes me willing to consider
anger management tips.
Other Anger Management Resources.....
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