Family activities

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Families can easily go through time, struggling from one life issue to the next. Sometimes this is due to unforeseen circumstances. At other times, the struggle is due to families just not building a solid foundation together. The desire to develop closeness and strength is usually there from the beginning. But many times families are stretched and overtime drift apart.

Often the problem stems from the perception of what it takes to be together and satisfied. Becoming successful financially or reaching personal goals or status become the means to having unity. Consciously or subconsciously, the feeling is that this will make the family happy and keep it together. Performance becomes the measuring stick on how successful we are.

These efforts overlook the need to create an environment where family members can share their deepest concerns, receive encouragement or help under difficult circumstances, and to build a definite sense of family unity and warmth.

Why does this happen? The following table lists some of the conditions and the results that can occur:

Conditions undermining Unity

Condition	Symptom/Results
Lack of leadership.	Scheduled family time together is rare.
Rigid windows for togetherness.	Activities take a back seat and are often overridden by other things that come up. Events are not rescheduled.
Fear of trying new things.	Backing away from activities because of risk.
Lack of energy.	Disappointing for others in the family.
Activities become too routine.	Family members become bored, choosing to do things on their own instead.
Backoff when encountering negativity	When things go wrong, family activities fall apart.
Allow other responsibilities to crowd out family time.	Time together becomes more and more rare.
Importance of time together is not stressed or encouraged.	Family members consistently missing, ignoring the opportunity to be together.
Conflict regularly occurs during family time.	Family become reserved around one another. Activities are not meaningful and become drudgery.
Family members are not available.	Priority given to other things/td>

Building family unity required attention

Issues that have caused disunity do not occur overnight. On the other hand, improving and strengthening family unity will also take time. This needs to start with parents who see the weakness and have the desire to rebuild. As they proactively begin making adjustments, the children will usually see the value and participate.

Some changes will require a major shift in direction. It is important to take these intention steps to buildup and reenforce family unity. Start by brainstorming various ideas. This may began between the parents and the discussion can then be extended to the children. Think of activities that the whole family can experience together. Encourage participation, letting everyone know that full input and participation is essential.

The next step is planning. Think through the nature of each activity and make every effort to make it inviting and effective. Follow through on scheduling dates. Make sure that the calendar stays in front of whole family. Review details of each activity and take action ahead of time. This will allow the time to go more smoothly and be more enjoyable.

By planning carefully, it will demonstrate importance and that the family cares about each other. Examples of this type of activity include:

• Family history night. Show pictures and tell stories about past family experiences.
• Choose a family or a person who needs help. Decide as a family how you can work to meet the needs.
• Plan a date with another family to get to know them better.
• Plan a vacation to a city just to explore. Try to select places you have not been and stay at least 1 or 2 nights.
• Plan visits to grandparents and other relatives to stay in touch and reconnect.
• Setup regular meetings to discuss family issues and problems. Make this constructive and positive.
• Take up a sport that all can participate. Biking, bowling, hiking, tennis, golf, and swimming are examples.
• Get involved with interesting kids crafts.
• Workday. Periodically have the whole family do special projects around the house.

There are, however, a number of everyday activities that can enhance, nurture, and build strong bonds. Some changes might not even be noticed. But they are still important to reinforcing family unity. They may actually be the most important.

Meal times

This can be one of the best times for growth and for building family. It may be one of the few times available that can be counted on consistently. The goal is not to plow through the meal in the shortest time possible. Use the time to communicate and share. A supportive environment is then developed that everyone looks forward to.

This does not happen automatically or naturally. Meal time can be stressful with some family members being in a hurry to finish or just coming to the table with grumpy attitudes. Sometimes people just don't want to open up.

Parents need to take the lead. It is not enough just to ask questions. You might ask your son, "How was your day?". He may respond with, "Ok" and that is the end of the conversation. Instead, think of topics that require interaction. Be prepared to lead the discussion as a parent.

When one person is willing to initiate a conversation and just give their point of view, it encourages others to volunteer their thoughts as well. Even problems encountered at work can be discussed in general terms. Stay away from question and answers.

The rest of the family will begin to relate to this and be drawn into the conversation. This pattern also encourages others to open up their worlds. Without asking boring questions. Other family members will enjoy the time together and it becomes a pattern as time goes by.

This may seem idealistic. But family unity does not happen by magic. It requires hard work. As you approach meal time, think ahead as to what would be good topics for discussion. Even discuss ideas briefly with your spouse so that they also can be thinking about topics also. Parents can talk back and forth to get the communication started.

There are many possibilities. Topics can be work related, character traits, current affairs, or neighborhood problems. The conversation at dinner may start just between the parents and then open up the rest of the family.

Try to reserve adequate time for meals (Not always possible). It helps to slow down the pace and create a more peaceful environment (Again, not always possible). If positive patterns are formed, there will be less of a rush to leave the table.

No matter the circumstances or how someone else is responding, it is my responsibility to promote family unity. Not every meal will be a master piece. Continue to do your part regardless of how others are responding.

Joint Projects

In a work environment, teams that work on projects often times grow closer together as they work toward a common goal. This can also be true of families. This will reenforce family unity thru dealing with the tough issues and seeing the results at the end.

Experiences that are most meaningful are those where family members worked together. Sometimes the team approach is not as efficient, but the growth and interaction of the other family members is magnified.

The project could be building a shed in the backyard. Children can help with pounding nails and hauling equipment. It gives them the opportunity to learn new things and a sense of accomplishment at the result. The family is spending time together and building memories.

Another example is community events. The parents may have initially volunteered to help. But the whole family can join in the planning of these events. Children have a different perspective and can help with suggestions and preparation. The actual social event is then more meaningful as everyone participates together. It also gets them out of themselves and to thinking about others.

Discussing major changes

One thing you can count on is change itself. Everyone changes through time. Relationships come and go. Places change. Conditions change. Change can be very stressful. Especially if you have no control over it or have no say over what is happening.

Sometimes Parents can make decisions that impact children or one spouse can impact the other partner. Just the normal changes of life can have a major impact.

To be successful as a family, it is important for all members to understand that they are involved in the change process. They need to have a voice and have the time to adjust to new circumstances. This can be a difficult area. Not everyone has the same goals or the same priorities. Not everyone promotes change with the same passion.

Can the family talk through the issues? Does there need to be aggreement before proceeding?

The issue may be moving from one town to another. It could be relocation of job or a cost of living issue. There are certain decisions that children can not make. But they should be in the discussions and their thoughts and concerns be heard. Fear of the unknown is very real to them.

Parents can use this as an opportunity to get closer to the children. Listen to them and understand their fears. Discuss with them options for meeting their needs. Show them that they are important members of the family.

It is important to build unity through family activities and communication.

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