Unity thru family vacations

The pace of life makes it difficult to spend quality time together as a family. Taking time off for family vacations is not aways easy. Trying to coordinate schedules is often frustrating and challenging. When all family members are finally together, other activities still pull attention to outside things. The outcome is often ineffective and unsatisfying.

Getting completely away is a great way to clear out distractions and begin focusing on family. It also builds memories that strengthen unity and can encourage future involvement in family activities. It sounds simple, but scheduling, planning, and preparation can be barriers to following through.

The results of an extended time away will hopefully come out as expected and have a positive bonding effect. However, the perception from various family members may differ depending on the overall experience. It is important to be sensitive to needs beginning with the planning details. The following table lists some of the responses that typically occur:

Possible results of traveling as a family
Response Possible Causes
Withdrawn, interaction with others is negative. Coming out of stressful or tiring situations before trip.

A sense of being hurried from one thing to another. Planning too many activities or not accounting for travel time.

Wasted time finding destinations. Location and directions were not researched.

Disappointment expressed with activities that were selected. Expectations were set too high or not communicated.

Family members upset with each other. Problems were brought from home. Closeness is creating irritability.

Exhausted and not wanting to continue. Not allowing for enough rest while on the trip.

Irritation over what was left behind at home or work. Talking about the responsibilities at home. Not focusing on the experience at hand.

Disappointment over not being able to do certain activities. Schedule too tight. Sudden change in direction.

Actual travel time is tiring and uncomfortable. Long flights or being tightly packed into the car.

Boredom sets in. Long periods of no conversation or activity.

There are many things that can go wrong. Don’t let past failure or the risk of failure get in the way of going forward.

Taking the initiative to plan

Sometimes families get so embroiled that they can’t look up to see what the possibilities are. It is important to take time out to look at schedules and reserve significant time slots to bring the family together and get away.

To hammer out a timeframe that would agreeable for everyone may be challenging. Be persistent. To the extent possible, plan well in advance. This gives others the opportunity to adjust and be ready.

Determine what activities would fit comfortably into the time allotted and the budget. Share proposed plans with children or other family members. Listen to input. Make a definite decision and commit. Ask for advice and tips from others who have taken similiar family vacations.

Planning ahead can be a safeguard to help divert possible hardships. Also being willing to change direction when certain doors shut. Flexibility will help bring back the enjoyment.

Here are some additional helpful items:

Allow for responsibilities that are in place just before the trip. Plan ways to keep tasks from unduly increasing workload.
Be sensitive to post vacation issues. Stressful circumstances may await that can undermine the enjoyment of the trip.
Account for special issues if traveling during holidays.
Plan for recovery time throughout the trip. Don't overestimate energy levels.
Anything out of the ordinary or non-routine can be tiring. Resting is not wasting time. Even two straight days at Disneyland can be too much.
For long car trips, provide for frequent stops. Locate points of interest. These may add time to your trip, but they make the ride much more endurable.
Take along books, music tapes, DVD's, and games. Use them for filler time.
Develop topics of conversation that are interesting and engaging. Time will go by more quickly. Don’t allow electronic gadgets to completely dominate attention.
If family members get especially engaged in one of these tangent activities, don't rush them through it just to meet the main goal. The process is just as important.

The challenge of preparation

Preparation for time away can be a unifying experience in itself. Planning can build cooperation and anticipation. The work required can be extensive. This includes researching the destinations, purchasing tickets, and making sure that all take-a-longs are ready to go.

Loose ends such as securing the house, stopping the mail, contacting neighbors and friends can also add into the stress. Breaking away from the job can sometimes be a hassle. There may also be other commitments that may need to be passed on or delayed. It seems that emergencies inevitably come up just before leaving.

Long trips can be especially daunting. Packing for these trips can be stressful, making sure that everyone takes all the essentials.

Tips that have been invaluable for car travel are:

Use smaller travel bags separated by function or time of need. They will fit better in the car. Unloading will also be easier.
Separate travel bags by person. This cuts down on confusion when accessing various items during the trip.
Create a written checklist of the things needed for the trip and for the things that you need to do before leaving.
Clean and service car and other equipment that will be taken.
Study the cities that you are most likely going to go through on your trip.
Get phone #'s of possible hotels that you contact along the way.
Take along toys for the children so that on long stretches they will be occupied.
Plan in extra travel time for unscheduled stops.

Priorities - Remembering what is important

The activity itself is not the important thing. The success of the trip should not be based on getting through all the scheduled events. Experiencing exotic places can be memorable, but a better indicator is how well family members interact and bond. It is also a time to be refreshed. Was there time to talk and to encourage one another?

When things go wrong, the temptation is to complain and be critical. The trip can then be considered a failure. One response is for everyone to go inside their shell and wait for the trip to end. Instead, this is a great opportunity for the family pull together. Blaming others for problems creates divisions. Affirming each other in these circumstances builds esteem and a confidence coming from being accepted.

The planned activities may not be the problem. It is always a temptation to stay in touch with the home front. Staying connected with things going on at work may give the bread winner a sense of security. On the other hand, it interferes with the focus on the family. It can also be irritating to others as they wait for you to get off the phone.

There are other distractions as well. Navigating the internet or reading newspapers can be entertaining. Staying connected with the world is admirable, but it can easily get carried away.

In any of these areas, it is good to take precautions. Here are some helpful hints:

Plan quiet times during the vacation where the family can sit together and enjoy each others company.
Look for opportunities to compliment another family member. This is especially reassuring when things are not going well.
Inform the workplace ahead of time that you will only be available in case of emergency. Delegate responsibilities and enable others to make decisions.
Leave computers at home as much as possible.

Sensitivity - Allowing for inevitable problems

Planning a family vacation can be exciting and expectations run high. When the trip is actually underway, circumstances can occur that can be trying and frustrating. The atmosphere becomes less then amiable. Even trips that are supposed to be all fun can turn gloomy.

There are any number of things that can happen to upset and dampen the travel experience. On car trips, going through uncharted territory can raise blood pressure. Stopping in unfamiliar towns to look for places to eat or stay can also be very frustrating. Going through remote areas under harsh weather conditions can be frightening and stressful. Just sitting in a seat for long periods of time can be depressing. For air travel there is always the chance for delays and even cancellations. The list goes on…

Fatigue, disagreement, irritability, and selfcenteredness can put a damper on having a good time. This can be stressful, especially to parents who are trying to keep the peace and get things back on track. Even spouses can get on each others nerves. All this emphasizes the need for family unity while traveling.

All these examples cause inconvenience and discomfort. The natural tendency is to respond in negative ways. You want the trip to be an adventure not a trial. The following tips are simple ways to turn down the heat:

Stop and walk around at regular intervals
Change drivers frequently
Be positive - even is uncomfortable situations.
Point out positive things around you – scenary and landmarks.
Plan travel when the conditions are most favorable. Take into account weather, traffic, and crowds.
Be sensitive to needs. Slow the agenda down if recovery is needed.
Refrain from anger. Respond to frustration and anger in a loving and patient manner.

Travel can be trying. It is important, however, to allot time for family vacations to build unity.

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