Goal setting and Parenting

People skills | Self Esteem | Character | Responsibility | Encouragement | Discipline | Achievement

Most parents want the best for their children. They like to see them do well in the activities that they are involved in. It is natural for parents to take pride in their children's achievements. The child, on the other hand, may not be trying to make a mark or reach a goal. They just want to have fun or get through the requirements in front of them. Parenting, goal setting, and achievement are a challenging combination.

Parents often push for high performance. Sometimes this tests the limits of ability and the wellbeing of the child. The parent can't understand why the child does not see the value and respond to the proding. The child, on the other hand, wonders why the activity is so important. This can cause undo stress for the parents as well as for the child. Parents need to encourage smart goals.

Areas such as academic performance, sports, music, and prominence in various clubs are prime sources for tension. These activities are beneficial for normal healthy development. Putting in significant effort is also important for building character. Pushing for the benefit of a parent, however, is not good. There are alot of motivational stories that have gone the wrong way.

Parents coming to terms with themselves

Is it common for a parent to grow up with dreams of accomplishing something great. As time goes by, most of these dreams go by the wayside. Hopes are dashed due to lack of ability, bad luck, or other unfortunate circumstances.

With children, these hopes are often revived. Parents frequently steer their children in directions where they originally had asperations. If a child is successful, then the parent may in some way feel more self esteem. Achievement can be deceptive.

The parents own life may be filled with missed opportunities and failure. By coaching and leading the child, parents quietly take credit for successes.

It is important to assess motivation and to encourage children with the right altitude. The following questions are helpful in determining whether things are out of hand:

How do I respond when the child fails?
Do other areas of my child's life suffer?
Do other areas of my life suffer?
Do I lay awake late at night obsessing what performance?
Are responsibilities left undone?
Do I excessively brag about accomplishments?
Do I get angry when child does not follow program to success?

Try to be honest in reflecting on these questions. It is common to start out with right motives, but then be drawn in a more selfish direction. Communication is key in dealing with performance and achievement issues. Family members should work together to chart a better course.

Determining what is right for the child

Does your child want to have fun or just be with their friends? Is perfection important? Does the child want participation by the parents? Priorities may be at opposite ends for parents and children. It is important to draw out honest feelings and motivations.

Be willing to make changes. Determine what level of encouragement is appropriate. Self motivation within the child should be the goal. The value of a sport or activity may be to go through the learning process, experience struggles, and to build character. Coming along side of your child during rough times may be all that is needed.

For those who really want to excel, it is important to allow these children the freedom to explore. The child will need to take responsibility to build passion, deal with adversity, and make adjustments to get better. Parents can encourage, but should not push their own desires.

Wanting the best for your children is great. How it is done takes wisdom and patience.

parenting and achievement requires encouragement and restraint.

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