Strong family values help children adjust to challenges they will face growing toward adulthood. Peer pressure, relationship issues, performance expectations, fear of failure, and various temptations can be overwhelming. It is imperitive that parents have a clear understanding of what is important and then live out their beliefs for their children. Interpersonal relationships should be near the top of the list.
It is also important to be honest about how things are. Do our values actually take priority and become evident? Are they just a vision to be put into practice sometime in the future? Family values should be an integral part of each parent's lifestyle. The best way for teaching values to children is through everyday passion and example.
What are the most important things in life? Is it money? Is it a person or persons? Is it my Faith? Is it meeting the needs of others? Is it education or a job? Is it being a good person or serving others? Personal integrity is essential in this process. The following integrity quotes can be an encouragement to both parents and children.
Integrity quotes
Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you. -
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
A life lived with integrity - even if it lacks the trappings of fame and fortune is a shinning star in whose light others may follow in the years to come. -
Denis Waitley
Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people. -
Spencer Johnson
To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity. -
Douglas Adams
Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.
- Oprah Winfrey
Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do - Don Galer
There is no such thing as a minor lapse of integrity -
Tom Peters
Healthy children will not fear life if their elders have integrity enough not to fear death.
Erik Erikson, Dr.
I have found that great people do have in common an immense belief in themselves and in their mission. They also have great determination as well as an ability to work hard. At the crucial moment of decision, they draw on their accumulated wisdom. Above all, they have integrity. -
Yousuf Karsh
True values are what drives us minute by minute. It influences thought processes, decision making, and direction. Some values may be ingrained and are manifested without thinking. There are other noble attributes that we aspire to, but just have not been able to make them part of our lives.
Set aside time to assess what your true values are. Since children are impacted by both parents, it is important to have both partners participate. This will also give you a sharper picture of what is real. The following steps will help clarify values for both partners:
Build list of values
Values should be reviewed honestly and with an open mind. Make a list of values indicate the level of importance. These can be specific activities (ie. sport, family time, church) that are important. There are also general human attributes (ie. courage or commitment) that are held in high esteem. The list can be long. The following table is a sample of possible family and personal values:
Sample list of values
Accuracy
Cooperation
Honesty
Responsibility
Beauty
Courage
Hospitality
Safety
Calm
Courtesy
Faith
Sacrifice
Change
Discipline
Money
Sports
Cleanliness
Education
Neithborliness
Sincerity
Collaboration
Fairness
Organization
Tolorance
Commitment
Family
Perseverance
Tradition
Communication
Fitness
Privacy
Trust
Compassion
Friendliness
Respect
Wisdom
Go through the list a denote for each item whether you always exhibit the characteristic, sometimes, or never. Review this list and select 10 or 12 that you honestly feel relate to your life and are important to you. They should define who I am and what is most important to me. Have your spouse build the same kind of list independently. From the list above, you can see that most of the qualities listed are key in relationships.
Sort by importance and prominence
Sort your own list in the order of importance or priority to you. Have your spouse also sort your list, independently, in the order they percieve you. This can be a challenging exercise, but can give valuable information to the other partner. How your spouse perceives you is often what children will see as well.
Discuss with spouse
Discuss together whether the values are reality. Do they line up with the way we act? Are they what we want or are they part of our life now? Is there a conflict between values, such as family and work.
This is a good opportunity to evaluate and make adjustments. There are family values that are important, but have not been acted upon. It may require changing priorities and taking definite actions to change course. This may take courage and humility.
Build one joint list
Then merge the lists for both spouses to form a new list for family values. There should agreement between you and your spouse on this list. This list could also require life style changes to actually become a reality and make your top values effective!
The message sent to children will now be clearer. It is good to establish important values early because there are other influences that children face that impact attitudes and direction. Television, movies, friends, school, and neighborhood can be major contributors in their lives.
Family togetherness
Family time and parent interaction are critical. Parents may have the most noble and impressive lifestyle, but the children suffer with lack of contact. Teaching children family values is often lacking in today's fragmented society.
There is no substitute for being together. Job responsibilities and other outside activities can severely limit interaction. Spending significant time together is the vehicle for parents to share their lives and their values. Children will also develop better social skills with communication, sharing, and cooporation.
Better family relationships will lead to better relationships beyond the immediate family. Parents need wisdom in guiding and encouraging their children as they begin to select friends. Teen relationships can be especially fragile. Getting them to select companions carefully starts with a good foundation of family values. Inviting others into your life is best done when both sides values the same things.
relationship quotes
There isn't any formula or method. You learn to love by loving - Aldous Huxley
It is one of the severest tests of friendship to tell your friend his faults. So to love a man that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him, and to speak painful truth through loving words, that is friendship. - Henry Ward Beecher
Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes.
- Anonymous
Friendship is a horizon - which expands whenever we approach it.
- Anonymous
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
- Josh Billings
It takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited.
- Lewis Smedes
When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.
- William Arthur Ward
Dont walk behind me, I may not lead. Dont walk in front of me, I may not follow. Walk beside me and be my friend.
Author : Albert Camus
The
Integrity quotes
and relationship quotes mentioned above can be a great encouragement for both parents and children.
The value of personality tests
Some children are outgoing and engage others easily. More introverted children may have a harder time. As kids grow up, they develop their own perferences and unique style of dealing with their environment. Personality tests designed for children can help parents work more effectively with their children in the areas of friendships and relationships.
Murphy-Meisgier type indicator for children is part of the Meyers-Briggs family of assessments. Developing people skills is an important complement to family values and being socially responsible.
Other resources for building character....
Parenting at More4kids - At More4kids you will find family, parenting and educational resources. Main features include: pregnancy, baby planning, homeschooling, family travel information and much more.
Raise Smart Kid A parent's guide on how to raise smart, bright and intelligent kids and a resource for educational toys, gifts and other learning materials.
Behavior-Contracts.com On this site you will discover some of the most clever and unique parenting downloads available. Our creative set of printable parenting products will provide you with the tools you need to become a more effective and connected parent.
Parenting Styles Book, "Good Parents Bad Parenting" with 2 free e books, tips, skills and advice for parents Most parenting books provide advice as if only one parent is raising your child. This parenting styles book resolves conflict through experienced insight, practical tips, skills, advice, games and exercises, empowering parents to work through relationship and parenting differences to raise happy, responsible and successful children.
Theme: Parenting (or Parenting Books) preferred, but something close is fine. Other themes that are acceptable are: Kids, Teens, Children, Family, Baby / Babies or Books.
