Marriage is easy to start, but is hard to maintain. To love your spouse takes work. It also takes frequent, ongoing love messages that reassure and solidify the relationship. Marriages are constantly under pressure from self centered behavior and the uncertainty of life. There are many opportunities to let your spouse "know" that they are loved.
Love requires taking the initiative...
Often couples get married and assume that their feelings of love will carry them through. It is soon discovered that love takes definite actions and words. Your spouse needs to be shown through love messages that are communicated through words, acceptance, and sacrificial giving.
The need to show love never subsides. Both marriage partners are susceptible to discouragement and self doubt. Unmet needs and failures are constant companions. Your spouse needs to be reminded that they are really loved and cared for.
10 areas that need love messages...
1. Focus on positive memories: Your relationship is something that only the two of you share. Experiences shared are precious and should be remembered and revisited often. Comments such as "Do you remember how we met?" or "I remember how we pulled together to overcome...".
2. Indicate a desire for closeness: Busy life circumstances can temporarily reduce time together. Marriages suffer when closeness, communication, and touch are missing. Sometimes it can't be helped. It may also be a gradual, unintended slipping away. Let your spouse know that you notice and greatly desire restore closeness. "I can't wait to be with you again" is an encouraging expression of your love.
3. Speak respectfully: No one likes to be talked down to or brushed aside harshly. Approach your spouse gently and with sensitivity to their needs and circumstances. Overrunning your partner with your agenda is inconsiderate and abrasive. Try "Are you available to talk now..." or "I was wondering what you think about...". Make sure that you give them a chance to respond.
4. Show admiration: Your spouse will be honored when you compliment them for who they are or what they have done. Make your statements sincere and relevant. Express your thoughts with enthusiasm and make your partner feel indispensable. Examples may include, "I don't know what I would have done without you..." or "I don't think anyone could do better than you..."
5. Tell of your dedication and support: Your marriage partner wants to know that you will always be there for them. They want to know that you will stay with them in hard times. It is also important to know that you will still love your mate even after conflicts or painful problems. Tell your spouse often that you love them. Look for everyday opportunities to say "I love you". You can also say, "Everything is going to be ok..." or "These trials are making our relationship stronger..".
6. Clearly erase the wrongs: It is not possible to keep from hurting your spouse from time to time. Hard feelings can drive a wedge into the relationship. Ask forgiveness if you are the one who offended. Ask it unconditionally - even if there is some doubt as to your guilt in the situation. Say, "I know that this has caused you pain. I am very sorry for...". On the other hand, if you have been hurt by your partner, a good response might be "I have been hurt by you. I really want to find a way to stay close to you".
7. Give reminders of your availability: Facing heavy responsibilities or having to make difficult decisions alone can be stressful to say the least. Just being available can be an encouragement to your spouse. Coming along side and offering a listening ear speaks volumes. Comments like "I stand behind what you are doing and I am available anytime you need me" or "I know that you can take care of this, but I would love to work with you..."
8. Flood with praise: Your spouse wants to know that they are thought highly of as your marriage partner. It is likely that they work hard to keep the relationship strong and provide what is needed for the family. Take time to recognize and express the things that you like about your mate. "I loved the way to did that..." or "You always know just the right things to say..." or "You did a fabulous job on..."
9. Say romantic things: Your partner wants to here and know that they are attractive to you and that you are the only one for them. They want to know that you are fully satisfied and happy in the relationship. "I love holding you in my arms..." or "I want to be with you forever...".
10. Highlight the little things: Romance should not be suppressed only to be brought out on special occasions. Everyday there are opportunities to express love messages to lift your spouses spirits. Your partner needs to know that they are special everyday. Comments such as "It is great to finally have alone time with you..." or "I can never get enough of you..." are easy to say in many situations.
