Love tests commitment to marriage

Love tests commitment

Marriages encounter pressure and experience failure everyday. The temptation is to either fight or flee. The weight of the issues may begin to pull the marriage down. Tension, anxiety, and conflict begin to grow. Unconditional love is sometimes difficult. Domestic trama is tough to overcome. On top of this, painful experiences in the past can also create barriers. There are many love tests that will check the level of commitment through time.

Encouragement is needed to see couples through times of crisis. One simple technique is the keep in mind what you want your marriage to express or stand for. Inspirational quotes often stay in the fore-front of memory and can be a reminder for marriage partners to stay strong in their relationship. Inspiring quotes can enhance commitment. More specifically, marriage quotes can touch on issues that can both instruct and encourage. The following table gives helpful examples:

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Encouraging Inspirational Quotes
In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer....... H. Norman Wright and Gary J. Oliver

Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid....... Harlan Miller

A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love...... Pearl S. Buck

Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side...... Zig Ziglar

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages....... Friedrich Nietzsche

Commitment will help overcome the inevitable pressure and make room for acceptance, change, and growth.

The glowing promises made on the wedding day are important and express the commitment of the couple. These promises are like insurance policies stating that protection, love, and care will be fully given through both good and bad circumstances.

Up to the wedding date, the relationship has probably not been tested. The dating and engagement process have probably been exciting and positive. Commitment is not an issue. How we respond when things are not going well is the real love test.

Initial Vows

The most traditional marriage vows are worded as follows:
"Will you take this (man/woman)...to have and to hold...to love, comfort, honor, cherish, for richer or poorer, and keep in sickness and health,... for as long as you both shall live".

Both marriage partners say, "I do".

At this moment, each spouse would say that they are dedicated to keeping these vows. The requirements to actually carry out these promises will probably be more difficult than realized. Each of the words is filled with meaning. The table below shows a glimpse of what might be required. You can look at this as a love quiz:

Common wedding vows
Promises... Implications...

take this man/woman Agreeing that this is the one and only person. A complete commitment to this person here today.

to have and to hold Live together and in harmony with this person. We belong to each other. Expected to show affection consistently.

to Love Sacrifice self to meet the needs of the other. Make it a priority to serve your spouse.

to Comfort Encourage through challenges, console during loss, provide for needs.

to Honor Find opportunities to praise, show respect, speak well of to others.

to Cherish Set aside own priorities to be available to spouse. Guard as precious, as a main priority.

for Richer or Poorer Value spouse as a person and not what they can give me. Be content with what we have.

in Sickness and Health Fully loving regardless of physical condition. Take care of spouse at my own expense and time.

until death do us part Aggreeing to never leave this person. There is no valid reason to separate except death.

The vows above are easy to say at the beginning of marriage. To carry them out through time is another matter. It is impossible to be perfect. Commitment is needed because of inperfections trying experiences. Staying dedicated to your spouse during hard times is the essence of commitment.

Adversity

Things start out well in most marriages. Initially, the demands and pressures are manageable. There is an optimism that things are going in the right direction. Couples have goals and expectations that are still out in front of them. Early in the marriage it is easy to be patient. The marks of true love, however, are seen through time.

It does not take long, however, before problems and conflicts arise. For many the issues center around finances. There is a growing realization that funds are tight. This can cause disagreement about how to spend money. Some of the things that they want to do have to be put on the back burner.

Disappointment can follow. Finances is just one area within marriage where expectations may not be met. It could be children, parenting, romance, career, or social life. When there are problems in any of these areas, again love tests our commitment.

Communication is another key area. Before marriage, both spouses were on their best behavior and were very accommodating. Now responses may be sharper and less patient. Things that weren't issues before, suddenly become more critical. It is easy to be hurt and angry when spoken to in rude or indifferent tones. Couples may end up shutting each other out.

Adversity can also come through the environment and culture we live in. Frequently both spouses start out working. There can develop a separation of priorities and attention to the marriage. If commitment is low, the temptation might be to leave the marriage for a better arrangement. An unfaithful spouse is a tragedy that could be averted.

Human response

When things don't go well, the natural response is to fix the problem. The more discomfort or pain that is caused, the more urgent it becomes to solve problems and conflicts. Impatience, bitterness, and pride often get in the way of resolving conflict.

The feeling is that the pressure being experienced should not be put up with. Responsibility to stay committed to the wife/husband is set aside. The effort required is considered too heavy. The commitment becomes optional.

A spouse may say, "This relationship is not worth the pain and effort. If this relationship does not work out, I can take care of myself. Besides, there are other choices out there if this person does not work out". With a selfcentered spouse, the tendency is to pull away.

The response of commitment

As time goes by, each partner becomes more aware of the nature and weaknesses of the other spouse. Mistakes and failures occur from the beginning. Commitment is knowing about these issues and then still being completely dedicated to love and care for the other person.

When things do go badly or there is some misfortune, the pain caused is not put on either spouse. Committed spouse continues to hold a positive view toward the other partner. The pressure does not keep the communication from being kind, reassuring, and encouraging.

The commitment to the marriage should always put the needs and concerns of the other spouse first. Self-sacrifice is always needed to give priority to your mate. In summary, building a strong relationship is difficult. This is why love tests our commitment through time.

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