For many, being at home with family is less than desirable. There may be clatter, clutter, confusion, and conflict all around. There is no support for those who are hurting or facing problems. This environment drives family members apart. What people really want is a place to be heard and understand. A place to relax and be accepted.
Most everyone faces challenges outside the home. It might be workload or conflict at work. It could be peer pressure at school or difficult neighbors across the street. What ever the issue, home should be a place to recover, to be rejuvenated, and encouraged. Having other family members to talk to or even having a place to be alone promotes unity and the desire to be together.
If there is no outlet at home for problems and concerns, the issues may be internalized or dealt with away from home. Anger and frustration build Stress and fatigue are natural consequences. Unresolved issues can also spill over into other areas, causing additional irritability and conflict. Instead of building stronger relationships at home, there is a growing mistrust and separation.
Home should be a place to have time alone. This may be for rest, to think, to sort out issues, or just to listen to your heart. Time alone can prepare individuals for more effective time together as a family. Having space and possession that are respected as belonging to you, builds a sense of security and worth. Respecting time commitments of others reflects common courtesy. Respecting the wishes of others demonstrate self-control and self sacrifice. Respecting the choices of others often takes restraint.
Be aware of what is important to other family members.
Meet together often to share concerns about life issues or concerns.
Create a non-condemning environment. Help others find their own solutions.
Protect right to time alone.
Create an atmosphere conducive to rest, especially during times of stress.
Ensure that personal property is respected. Establish clear ownership.
At other times, communication and interaction are enhanced when the noise level and confusion are reduced. It is easier to think clearly and focus when the environment is quiet and reflective. When there are difficult issues to deal with, it is important to take time to manage activities going on around the house. The noisy activities can be stopped or moved to another area. Undivided attention is a major encouragement and the results will be much more satisfying.
The cleanliness of the environment can also be an issue. Some people have a high tolerance for this and still have a very happy home. Others are very distracted and won’t rest until the confusion and mess are taken care of. The weight of responsibility keeps them from enjoying family times. Still others can’t relax in a cluttered and disorganized environment.
Sometimes playing a game together can be loud and messy. This is ok. It is an important part of bonding and growing closer together. These opportunities are memorable and encourage more family times going forward. Even the cleanup can be an activity. This is especially true for young children who like action more than words.
Relationships within families can be challenging and fragile. Things may seem peaceful and under control at a given moment. It does not take long, however, for the atmosphere to change. The potential for conflict is all around. It might be unresolved relationship issues. It could be pressure or stress.
Tempers flare. Hostility builds up. This can break down harmony and replace it with negativity, distrust, and confusion. Hidden agenda’s, pride, selfishness, and personality can also play a role in this downward spiral. Any family building activities become ineffective during this time. The recovery time to reinforce family unity could become a long slow process.
Problems can often be hidden or deceptive. It can start with misunderstanding. A common example between a husband and wife might play out like this. A husband comes home from work and notices that his wife is a little down. She could have been upset or just overwhelmed by the homework of the children and household chores. He asks if he can help her, hoping that this would cheer her up. She replies, "Of course" in a sharp tone.
The husband retreats, thinking that the response is uncalled for. He gets upset inside, but does not want to show that he is hurt. All the way through dinner everyone is quiet and reserved. Even the children can see that something is not right. They sit through dinner uncomfortable with the gloomy surroundings. This simple example demonstrates another missed opportunity to build unity.
Preserving tranquility and peaceThere are many proactive ways to preserve and promote harmony. The following actions are helpful in this area:
Anticipate in advance what a loved one might be encountering. Plan out a suitable response ahead of time.
For unresolved issues, refrain from jumping to conclusions or pushing your own agenda. Wait patiently to hear out the others involved. Walk with them through the issues.
Be willing to stay with issues or conflict until it is resolved fairly. Don’t push the problems out of sight just to keep peace.
Don’t try to match the emotion of the upset party. Anger often blocks getting to the answers and can create further conflict.
Listen with full attention to what is being said. Repeat back for clarification.
Seek forgiveness quickly when your behavior is less than honorable.
Affirm other family members for who they are. Use clear, honest language.
Being able to overlook issues when others offend and to respond back in love is not always easy. Misunderstandings inevitably occur. We need to humbly restore family relationships and not set up barriers. Through gentleness and care, family unity will be reinforced. Accepting differences of opinion and holding the worth of others in high esteem are clear signs of respect.