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Spanking children: Avoid this trap

Discipline: A major part of child development

Having a happy home life is the vision of most parents when they start a family. This includes nurturing solid family bonds, building harmony among family members, and helping children to be well adapted in school and to other life situations. The cost in time and effort to make this happen is usually higher than anticipated.

Children are born with a self centered nature and will make choices that can hurt themselves and others. Some actions are just plain wrong and need correcting. Your kids may be high spirited, stubborn, or strong willed. This can frustrate parents and sometimes bring on anger. Spanking children may seem like the quickest way to discipline and stop the wrong behavior.

Parents need to realize that discipline a necessary responsibility and that it should be done carefully and effectively.

Natural tendency

Children don't naturally follow along with this program. As they grow up, they are faced with difficult choices and challenging circumstances. Adolescence is a particularly hard phase. The outcome is often inappropriate behavior and failure. This is all part of child discipline and growing up. Parents can not, however, do a half hearted job or hope that the problems just go away. Assertive discipline is a necessity.

As mentioned above, children will often take the wrong path, have poor attitudes, and mistreat those around them. I would like to think that my children are good, but their natural tendency is to be selfish and self-serving. These traits will cause trouble for themselves and with others that they are trying to relate with. Troublesome child behavior includes disrespect, disobedience, greed, insensitivity to others, dishonesty, anger and temper tantrums. Self control, self centeredness, and procrastination also need attention.

Hindrances and barriers to effective discipline

Trying to correct these areas is not easy. It is hard, intense work. The children don't naturally cooperate. A child may be rude to a brother or sister. This leads to turmoil, friction, confusion, and anger. It is easy for all involved to get frustrated and angry. A swift approach may bring a temporary peace, but the wrong behavior is usually repeated.

The following table recaps some of the issues and responses that are less than ideal:

Responses to discipline challenges
Issue	Response
Strong willed child.	Give in or be inconsistent with behaviors.
Parents in disagreement.	Take softer position to preserve unity.
Children have no family responsibilities.	Parents cover all needs.
Apathetic parent.	Discipline passed over to dominate parent and is inconsistent.
Not enough time to deal with issues.	Quick, inadequate responses. Anger and misunderstanding.
Repeated failure or perceived lack of success.	Parents don’t give direction and/or don’t know how to build character.
Children lack confidence and direction.	Parents not engaged.
Children having few boundaries.	Parents don’t challenge actions because of lack of confidence or apathy.
Children not getting along with each other or being disruptive.	Parents yelling out angry responses to quell the children.
A child who refused to obey.	Lack of energy to go through the steps to properly teach and discipline.
Children are not doing their chores.	Parents threaten, but don't follow through on the consequences.
Disrespect is shown to parents.	Parents quickly spank the child and speak harshly.

Parents need clear, definite values and then resolve to work through negative issues and feedback. Often the values of parents spill over to their children. Achievement and wealth building become more important than interpersonal relationships and than doing the right thing. Teaching children self discipline should be a priority.

Increased focus

Close attention is required. Elevating parenting and discipline implies more time and focus on children. This can be difficult for busy parents. It takes extra time and effort to teach good behavior and even more time to administer consequences for the inevitable bad behavior. Often parents become irritated because they have to take more time way from more (so called) "important" activities.

The following steps have been helpful and effective in working through the issues:

1. Make room in schedule to be able to work with children. Block out time to deal with character building issues. This may mean less time on hobbies or less time on the job!
2. Don't rush through the issue. Be prepared to take the appropriate time - now or soon. It is not an inconvenience, but very important for positive growth.
3. Focus on the immediate issue and on the child. Take away distractions. Make sure they understand the value of making the necessary changes.
4. Remove anger from the equation. Discipline is not punishment. The issue is worth dealing with. Don’t tear down, but build up.
5. Make sure that your child understands the problem and takes ownership. As a parent, don’t allow for one way communication. Make sure that the child gives feedback.
6. Clear, definite consequences of their actions. Their actions bring on the consequences. Follow through. Be firm in the midst of protest.
7. Use positive reinforcement. When your children respond discipline and exhibit good behavior, let them know you appreciate this.

Children fail all the time. This is part of growing up. Discipline is not to tear them down but to assist in helping them mature. Discipline is a major part of overall child development. Spanking children is not. The applying discipline at the right times is not easy. Sometimes parents may get discouraged. Here are some good quotes to help with perspective

Encouraging thoughts about discipline
To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. --Josh Billings
Your children need your presence more than your presents. --Jesse Jackson
If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent. --Bette Davis
If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others. --Haim Ginott
Affection without sentiment, authority without cruelty, discipline without aggression, humor without ridicule, sacrifice without obligation, companionship without possessiveness. -- William E. Blatz
Don't demand respect as a parent. Demand civility and insist on honesty. But respect is something you must earn -- with kids as well as with adults. -- William Attwood
I looked on childrearing not only as a work of love and duty but as a profession that was fully interesting and challenging as any honourable profession in the world and one that demanded the best that I could bring to it. -- Rose Kennedy
Parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who tread on their toes. -- Chinese Proverb
The child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering. -- Benjamin Spock

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