Words of encouragement from parents

The need for parenting and encouragement

Children face many pressures as they grow up. How they respond to challenges and issues varies greatly. Failure or the perception of failure can have a heavy impact on self esteem and outlook on life. Parents need to be aware of what they are facing and why their children respond the way they do. Children need words of encouragement to help overcome hurdles and trials.

The Challenge

Circumstances can be stressful and discouraging. Children struggle with new situations and difficult relationships. Painful experiences make them want to run the other way. To complicate things further, children often bottle their thoughts inside making it tough to know what they are really thinking. Words of inspiration can encourage a child to continue on.

Parents observe and are usually eager to reach out and help. This is not always easy. It takes patience and wisdom. Often parents filter situations through their own experiences and abilities and expect it to be right for their child.

They then bring solutions that they feel should fix the problem and strongly urge the child to comply. The child is expected to apply the advice and thereby overcome the problem. This may be too overwhelming or confusing and lead to further fears and discouragement. Parents need to take the time to understand before taking action.

Success is another area where parenting and encouragement is often applied. Care needs to be taken to ensure that motives are good. Parents can drive their children’s success for the purpose of building their own self esteem.

A parent may not have had success with a particular activity as they were growing up. By getting their child to perform, they feel better about themselves. Instead of real encouragement, children are spurred on to success for the benefit of the parent. The key is understanding your child and doing what is best for them.

Normal Responses

Elevating the focus of parenting and encouragement is critical. Knowing how your child normally responds to pressure and problems will help you know if they are really struggling and need help. Every child has a unique personality and will approach challenges in their own special way. Using the right motivation techniques takes practice.

Understanding their tendencies and personality traits is critical in knowing how best to reach out. Below is a list of 5 general behavorial catagories and several character traits that fit each area.

These catagories cover a cross-section of potential responses and are not all inclusive. There may be others that would touch more accurately to your situation. The intention is to stop and think through your child's normal behavior and to get a better sense of how to respond.

By knowing this, a parent will be more conscious of when encouragement is needed. Finding ways to genuinely encourage your child, in a compassionate and empathetic way, will make a world of difference in handling challenging situations.

Personality traits and tendencies

Does not hesitate to try new things...
Bravery Standing firm under difficult or dangerous situations

Confidence Believing in oneself or others

Imaginative Ability to initiate new ideas or direction

Finishes projects thoroughly...
Careful Gives attention to details, errors, and risk

Conscientious Staying focused on goals and direction

Diligent Is dedicated to work until completion

Faithful Fully devoted to a person or cause

Enjoys being with people...
Cooperative Willingness to participate will others

Friendly Warm and responsive to others, approachable

Hospitable Looks for opportunities to be welcoming to others

Reaches out to help others...
Compassionate Deep awareness of need and the desire to have it taken care of

Forgiving Does not hold wrongdoing against others

Peaceful Works through issues without agitation

Respectful Willing to submit to authority gladly

Able to work through conflicts well...
Adaptable Work through problems and conflicts agreeably

Fair In a dispute, is free of favoritism

Humility Not prideful of personal position or ability

Self-control Able to handle distress and conflict without dwelling on negatives

Understanding the problem

When children deviate from their normal behavior there may be issues that need addressing. Facing these problems is not easy – even for adults. Situations that your child may face can be painful or embarrassing. Children may respond in surprise, shock, anger, hurt, withdrawal, or in a subdued manner.

Parents can usually detect when there are problems. The temptation is to step in and correct the issues immediately. The thinking is that you don't want to have your child be set back in their development or hurt by circumstances. There are times, however, when immediate action is required.

For typical challenges that children face, it is good to encourage them to work through the issues. By working through the problems on their own, they will build self-esteem and confidence for the future. Be sure to keep a watchful eye on progress and be available to help or communicate. Daily motivation by parents may be required to get a child on the right track.

Developing an environment that emphasizes open communication will help children express clearly what they percieve the challenges to be. Encourage them to share their feelings. Don't immediately force a solution.

Encourage them to explore options on their own. Express confidence that they are capable and that you look forward to seeing their progress. Be available to walk through the process with them. Self motivation by the child is what you want to see.

Sometimes the problems seem insurmountable. In growing up, children encounter many new experiences. The tendency is to run away from fears that surface. This pattern can lead to lower self esteem and a feeling that they are incapable in certain areas.

Overcoming fears

To a child, it may look like their efforts are a complete failure or that the mountian is too high. The pain and suffering that is felt make them want to give up. Anxiety levels build. However, there is usually something in their actions or attitude that can be noted that will encourage and build up. Just the effort they put forth is worth commenting on.

It is also important to give praise honestly and appropriately as challenges are overcome. Words will become hollow if the child knows they are not deserved. The table below list typical problems that children face and common responses that might result:

Response to challenging life issues
Issue Typical Response

Uncomfotable in front of others Stays away from groups and group activities.

Not able to keep up with school work. Does minimum in a half heartedly way.

Giving a class report Feels ill and wants to stay home.
Going to the Doctor Fearful and distraught.

Trying a new activity. If there is a choice, they turn down opportunity.

Being teased by peers Express anger and stay isolated

Performance in sports is not as expected Loose interest and passion.

Everyone has faced issues like these. The answers to solve these problems are complex and will not come instantly. For children, the response is usually to get away from the pain. They do not see the missed opportunities to grow and experience success. Parents, on the other hand, are usually able to see longer term ramifications. Elevating parenting and encouragement becomes very important.

Working through issues

Growing up is not easy. Children go through many phases and experiences. Parents go through the same phases from a different perspective. They are also learning how to be parents and to encourage in an effective way. Overcoming fear and anxiety, handling adversity, and developing a good self esteem comes through a slow building process.

The following steps are helpful in carrying out this important function:

Don’t rush in with instant fixes.
Clarify positives. Not everything is dismal.
Let child know that there is adequate time to work on the issues.
Take small steps. This will show success.
Focus on doable activities. (Even unrelated things, to build confidence. )
Continue to show love and acceptance throughout.
Look for opportunities to point out successes.
Participate with your children as much as possible.

Negative experiences from the past can be overcome by Elevating parenting thru words of encouragement.

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